your love is strong
Somewhere we know that without silence words lose their meaning, that without listening speaking no longer heals, that without distance closeness cannot cure.
-Henri Nouwen
I like blogs. i read this off luke's and watched heather's awesome video!
silence is powerful and can be so uncomfortable. I would like to be comfortable all the time but I feel a tug on my heart that God wants me to break free from that desire and listen to his requests. To put others above me, to CHOOSE a selfless attitude and to above all else loveeee!!! He is the only one I can trust or count on.
Finals week coming up. Then I am a senior. What a year. College has flown by just like everyone said it would. hahaa. I wish I could teach the 18 year old lana what the almost 21 year old lana has learned and maybe i'd be more stable. haha I sound like a psych patient. Well gotta get back to studying woo! :/
i love my dog!!! <3 props to LaurenHerringtonphotography.
home was so fun and it is going to be weird to move home next year. A great challenge and blessing at the same time :) And I get to see this little girls pretty face every day! daaawg. <3
shoot.
dang it. Today was slightly rough at work. But I pray that God can keep me real throughout my nursing career. I am seeking to have a soft, maleable heart that is affected by situations and rather than using every second, shaping every second. My free will is directed slash guided by His will.
This week in San Fran with my dimes was unreal. I had a blast and it really made me thankful for the lovely yet freaking weird people in my life. In a good way... :) I love weird. duh.
We started off the trip with some gas and snacks. of course then headed north to the golden gate... which we actually saw on accident later that night due to my impaired directional skills. And we drove, wrote a rap, ate, sang, got deep... you know the usssh for a road trippy. We got to stay and Lindsay's aunt's house and her aunt was so kind. She had snacks waiting for us when we arrived and every morning had breakfast and coffee ready for our bellies. Very welcoming.
Our first day in the city can be described in 2 words: girls & lost. We literally were incapable of making any decisions. And it got to the point where we didn't even acknowledge we were lost... just part of the daily routine. :) But us girls actually were able to keep smiling and laughing which can make anything better. After a short run we chowed on the famous clam chowder bread bowl on pier 39 and headed towards China. town that is. Which ended up not being the fake China town but we didn't care. Highlight of the day and near to the highlight of the trip was this record shop me amy and emspence bumped into. I can't even describe it but I was in love.... After some disgusting frubble imitation green tea chinese thing we ended up at forever21. 1st mistake but also one of the best decisions made of the day.
Anywho. We made it to this cute diner and laughed away the lost troubles that seemed far in the past at that point.
Tuesday=Wicked.... We slept in. ate. too much. whats new. then went to haite and ashbury looking for thrift stores... found a book store that i loveeedd! gosh i could stay in book stores for hours!!! shoot. shoot. but wait that might have been tuesday.. oops i don't remember. but it was my first subway ride! so fun. people watching fa show. Wicked was soooo fun! I loved the show and the theater was beautiful. Then Wednesday we slept through ALL 5 alarms and were rushing to make it to our 9 o clock departure to visit ALCATRAZ we from the naz. I loved this baby island! I learned so much and it was very interactive. Highly suggested as a profesh tourist of san fran. I got a key which is the same one as the one that this awesome guard hid from the bad guys and was a hero.. its on my keychain so basically im a hero.... umm .. we took too many pics here and actually everywhere. except me because technology hates me. We met one of the real prisoners and i talked to him! he was kinda scary not going to lie. After alcatraz we went on a mission to find the golden gate bridge and it took prrrrrrobably a total of 3 hours but it was found... and it was beautiful. we ate our lunches on the end of hole 13 at a golf course. This included rolling in the grass, dog piles, mooning, and amy entertaining us. Then we walked on the cliffs and it was just gorgeous. pictures on facebook eventually will prove my point. For dinner, lindsay's aunt made us a gormet meal. OH MY GOSH. this was my favorite part of the trip because first of all and most importantly i love food and secondly, this couple seriously makes my heart swell because they were so raw with us and shared their struggles and really wanted us to grow in Christ.
We drove home early thursday morning and my neck is still sore.
best spring break of my life so far and i'm expecting next years to top it.
Need to give God more time though. I feel like our relationship is a little unfair lately so i'm divin in and listenin! wooooo.
Off to sleep... zzzzzzz
when we arrive at eternity's gates..
I love this song by phil wickyy poo.. your beautiful.. when death is just a memory and pain is no more.... It's strange to be excited to die. But Crazy Love by Francis Chan is awakening my spirit to love God and respect Him and use everything He has given me. :) Just following where He leads me even if there isn't a path in sight... I'll make one... Love God with all your heart and soul and mind then everything else will play out... Its actually pretty simple. I'm enjoying every second I have rather than living for the next high point, event, trip, or love...
I'm so proud of my little brother. He played in big church tonight and ROCKED it. He is such a man of God and handsome and eager to love others. precious.
God has been answering alot of my prayers specifically. its so crazy! and I have been asking Him whether or not I should go to Haiti to help in the medical area with my church. we will see!
Here we gooooo! another crazy week to love. :) amen!
new hope
I found myself waking up this morning (at 10) 'feeling' lonely and hopeless. Sounds depressing right? haha. So I hopped out of bed and tried to fix it. Like I try to fix everything. I cleaned, made appointments, called my people, you know the usual... then I ran a couple errands for birthday presents! The thrift store is SUCH a hot spot sometimes. I hit hard today and it was a total of 5.50 :) That was the first accomplishment that made me 'feel' better. Then I decided that the grumbling in my stomach should be comforted with the never failing subway, eat fresh. I grabbed my 5 dollar foot long from the infamously high subway workers and headed towards the boats with the very original idea to eat at shelter island. The small rays of sun that fought through the crisp air reminded me of God's spectacular creation. Crazy love is very intense and has stirred up my spirit. Overwhelmed by my epic failure, I have been feeling broken. As in humbly broken rather than snapped in half broken. Its interesting and I am learning so much right now. My theory of not taking anything seriously works, but as Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 says, there is a time for everything... I basically don't know anything right now except that I have an open, vulnerable heart for God! Besides that I am so stoked on school (ICU rotation wasssup)! and nervous.. Well, I am going to bed knowing that I wake up with a purpose, with goals in mind and with a listening soul to what the holy spirit has for me :) I want His will, whatever it is. Goodnight.
what was i thinking
It is interesting to think about what i used to think about. and how i used to think. and who i thought was attractive or what characteristics i found attractive in men... hmm. it makes me smile. But I think too much. But for the past couple weeks I've been focusing on what matters most and my futura con mi familia y amigas.
God is magical and has protected me. Right now i am excited to see what God has planned for my career and where my life goes. His will is my success. He gives me alot of peace that I honestly have never felt before! My love for Him can be demonstrated through the love I show to others even on bad days, or when I am angry/hurt. I feel it. The struggle to choose. But that also proves the existence in mi heart!
But overall, laughing and not taking anything too seriously helps everything. haha.
I am off to a cabin with girls this week and I am excited to see snow!! :) Goodnight.
Clinical!
Today was my last day of clinical at Mary Birch! We had a dinner at Islands after and it was so much fun! I was in charge of getting the gifts for the Professor and the senior student, getting all 7 floors food for the nurses and cards for all of them.. And this Friday is the Nursing Christmas party that me and another nursing student are in charge of. I have alot of assignments this week too! It's quite alright though because I am getting a head start for once. Sometimes music is so annoying because it makes you think of everything thats happened to you and everyone in my life. I can't get past that. It has such a big factor in how I view that moment. Sometimes I have to walk away from the cliff I am about to jump off of if you know what I mean. Its a love hate relationship.
I've been going on alot of rants lately. interesting. I finished my first scarf ever this weekend for the homeless outreach and i'm kinda proud i wont lie.... :D I've been very content and happy these last couple of days because I do not pour my heart into humans, rely on them or even trust them right now. haha. Only God... off to the gym <3
Charlie bit my finga!
Lauren fell asleep during the chargers game (surprise surprise) and was cradling her poor finga! so funny! That was a ridiculous night. I've never heard so much terror in luke's voice cuz of his wife's cut finger! haha. it was a little worse than that but a pretty good story..
Back to school!! woo nursing... :) almost done. crazy!
Listening to Christmas music and its so jolly!
wisdom
Mark 8:35- "whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it."
wow. well that puts a twist on things.
Sometimes I stop a think (rarely) and realize that I am not using the most valuable source for wisdom when it is already inside my heart. So easy to tap into... This aint no wikipedia source, it is divine. Sometimes I allow the silly, dim part of my brain to wander: well the next boyfriend will give me what my heart needs to become whole again. Then I think about how I will EVER get to the 'boyfriend' part and a lightbulb shines: hollllddd up... How would a human make my heart beat again when I don't have a strong foundation of Christ in myself. "He is truly wise who looks upon all earthy things as folly that he may gain in Christ." Sometimes I wonder when all of these epiphanies will begin to shape me.
I try to achieve the best. Best education, best looks, rep, guy, spirituality... and its depressing yet heart swelling that it is NOT all about attainment. But about seeking a crown by embracing understanding and becoming humble, self aware, submissive to God's will, and becoming like Him. When I hear "become like Him" for some reason the first thought that comes into my over-excitable brain is why would I want to be passive like Jesus was. HAHA. Like the whole humble, submissive guy. But I decided to stop and think (i'm working on it) and a wave of embarrassment heated my body as if God was pissed that I would ever think of Him like that. But I think alot of people think that way. Pressure to be powerful, strong and independent hits me everyday, when we are supposed to be submissive to him and our character will be shaped... Dependent on Him to live life for eternity.. Anyways, I think my brain is tired and thinking too much...I know that God is ominously almighty and that His wisdom is the best and actually do-able..
Its a constant battle.
newbie
This is my firsties post. I love being home for thanksgiving. I had forgotten what it was like to relax. The evocative scents of home bring positive and negative aspects, but the free for all food is greatly appreciated. On Sunday I will return to living with hardly any food, time, or room in my bed. sigh.. but today made me excited to be a nurse!! :) yayyy
